The 4th Angel Mentoring Program is active in a national outreach initiative. We are trying to reach as many cancer survivors, patients and their loved ones as possible. In doing so, we have established many new relationships with national and local organizations.
We have recently partnered with The Cancer Support Community. The Cancer Support Community (formerly The Wellness Community and Gilda’s Club) provides emotional and social cancer support through a network of nearly 50 affiliates, more than 100 satellite locations and online. Each of these locations distribute The 4th Angel Program materials to those in need of emotional support.
The 4th Angel Mentoring Program has also partnered with CaringBridge which provides free websites that connect people experiencing a significant health challenge to family and friends, making each health journey easier. Authors add health updates and photos to share their story while visitors leave messages of love, hope and compassion in the guestbook. The American Cancer Society offers comprehensive patient services and programs designed to help our patients with cancer-related information, day-to-day living, and emotional support needs. The 4th Angel Program information can be found on their website and national hotline at 800-227-2345.
The National Cancer Institute (NCI) has listed the 4th Angel Program information on their website and National hotline as well. The National Cancer Institute coordinates the National Cancer Program, which conducts and supports research, training, health information dissemination, and other programs with respect to the cause, diagnosis, prevention, and treatment of cancer, rehabilitation from cancer, and the continuing care of cancer patients and the families of cancer patients.
Caregiver Article
There are different types of caregivers. Some are family members, while others are friends. Every situation is different. So there are different ways to give care. There isn’t one way that works best.
Caregiving can mean helping with day-to-day activities such as doctor visits or preparing food. But it can also be long-distance, coordinating care and services for your loved one by phone or e-mail. Caregiving can also mean giving emotional and spiritual support. You may be helping your loved one copeand work through the many feelings that come up at this time. Talking, listening, and just being there are some of the most important things you can do.
Giving care and support during this challenging time isn’t always easy. The natural response of most caregivers is to put their own feelings and needs aside. They try to focus on the person with cancer and the many tasks of caregiving. This may be fine for a short time. But it can be hard to keep up for a long time. And it’s not good for your health. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others. It’s important for everyone that you give care to you.
Coping with Your Feelings
You’ve probably felt a range of feelings as you care for your loved one. They can be quite strong and may come and go as you go through treatment with the patient. Many caregivers describe it as being “like a rollercoaster.” You may feel sad, afraid, angry, and worried. There is no right or wrong way to feel or react. These feelings are all normal.
Anger. Many caregivers say they often feel angry with themselves, their family members, or the patient. Sometimes anger comes from feelings that are hard to show, such as fear, panic, or worry. Or it may come from resentment of all that you’re going through. If you can, try to avoid lashing out at others because of these emotions. Anger can be healthy if you handle it the right way. It can help motivate you to take action, find out more, or make positive changes in your life. But if these feelings persist and you remain angry at those around you, seek help from a counselor or other mental health professional.
Grief. You may be mourning the loss of what you hold most dear—your loved one’s health or the life you had with each other before cancer. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve these losses. It takes time to work through and accept all the changes that are occurring.
Guilt. Feeling guilty is a common reaction for caregivers. You may worry that you aren’t helping enough, or that your work or distance from your loved one is getting in the way. You may even feel guilty that you’re healthy. Or you may feel guilty for not acting upbeat or cheerful. But know that it’s okay. You have reasons to feel upset, and hiding these feelings may keep other people from understanding your needs.
Anxiety and depression. Anxiety means you have extra worry, you can’t relax, you feel tense, oryou have panic attacks. Many people worry about how to pay bills, how the cancer will affect the family, and of course, how their loved one is doing. Depression is a persistent sadness that lasts more than two weeks. If any of these symptoms start affecting your ability to function normally, talk with your health care provider. Don’t think that you need to tough it out without any help. There are ways your symptoms can be eased during this hard time.
Hope or hopelessness. You may feel hope or hopelessness to different degrees throughout your loved one’s cancer treatment. And what you hope for may change over time. You may hope for a cure most of all. But you may also hope for other things, such as comfort, peace, acceptance, and joy. If you’re not able to get rid of a feeling of hopelessness, talk to a trusted family member, friend, health provider, or spiritual or faith leader. As a caregiver, feelings of hope can get you through the next 5 minutes or the next 5 days.
Loneliness. You can feel alone in your role as a caregiver, even if you have lots of people around you. It’s easy to feel like no one understands what you’re going through. You may feel lonely because you have less time to see people and do things that you used to. Whatever your situation, you aren’t alone. Other caregivers share your feelings.
Other Ways to Cope
Let go of mistakes. You can’t be perfect. No one is. The best we can do is to learn from our mistakes and move on. Continue to do the best you can. And try not to expect too much from yourself.
Cry or express your feelings. You don’t have to be upbeat all the time or pretend to be cheerful. Give yourself time to cope with all the changes you’re going through. It’s okay to cry and show that you are sad or upset.
Put your energy into the things that matter to you. Focus on the things you feel are worth your time and energy. Let the other things go for now. For example, don’t fold the clothes when you’re tired. Go ahead and take time to rest.
Understand where anger comes from. Your loved one may get angry with you. It’s very common for people to direct their feelings at those who are closest. Their stress, fears, and worries may come out as anger. Try not to take it personally. Sometimes patients don’t realize the effect their anger has on others. So it may help to share your feelings with them when they’re calm. Try to remember that the anger isn’t really about you.
Forgive yourself. This is one of the most important things you can do. Chances are that you are doing what you can at this moment. Each new moment and day gives you a new chance to try again.
Make Time for Yourself
You may feel that your needs aren’t important right now. Or maybe by the time you’ve taken care of everything else you have to do, there’s no time left for yourself. Or you may feel guilty that you can enjoy things that your loved one can’t right now. Most caregivers say they have those same feelings. But caring for your own needs, hopes, and desires is important to give you the strength to carry on.
Taking time to recharge your mind, body, and spirit can help you be a better caregiver
You may want to think about:
Finding nice things you can do for yourself—even just a few minutes can help
Cutting back on personal activities, rather than cutting them out entirely
Finding things others can do or arrange for you, such as appointments or errands
Looking for easy ways to connect with friends
Finding larger chunks of “off-duty” time
Connect with Others
Studies show that connecting with other people is very important to most caregivers. It’s especially helpful when you feel overwhelmed or want to say things that you can’t say to your loved one. Try to find someone you can really open up to about your feelings or fears. You may find it helpful to talk with someone outside the situation. Also, it may help to have an informal network of people to contact, either by phone or in person. But if you’re concerned about a caregiving issue, you may want to talk with your loved one’s doctor. Knowledge can help reduce fears.
Caregiver’s Bill of Rights
I have the right to take care of myself. This is not
an act of selfishness. It will give me the ability to take
better care of my loved one.
I have the right to seek help from others even
though my loved one may object. I know the limits
of my own endurance and strength.
I have the right to maintain parts of my own life
that do not include the person I care for just as if
he was healthy. I know that I do everything that I
reasonably can do for this person. I have the right to
do some things just for myself.
I have the right to get angry, be depressed, and
express difficult feelings once in a while.
I have the right to reject any attempt by my loved
one to make me do things out of guilt or anger. (It
doesn’t matter if she knows they are doing it or not.)
I have the right to get considerations, affection,
forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do for my
loved one, as I offer these in return.
I have the right to take pride in what I’m doing.
And I have the right to applaud the courage it has
taken to meet the needs of my loved one.
I have the right to protect my individuality. I also
have the right to a life that will sustain me when my
loved one no longer needs my full-time help.
(Author unknown)
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News Article Featuring a 4th Angel Mentor!
IOWA CITY — Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.
So, Lisa Eganhouse Cantwell, 33, isn’t too surprised that four years after having a liver transplant, she needs a kidney.
And Greg Cantwell, 37, more than six years after having a brain tumor removed, knows he’s beat the odds to the point that every day is a gift.
Together, the Iowa City couple are each survivors. And caregivers for each other.
“Meeting Lisa was like a blessing,” says Greg. “Having an illness, she knows what it’s like to go through certain things with doctors. Even though they’re separate issues, it’s a connectivity we share.”
“You’re just able to understand better …” says Lisa, before Greg finishes the sentence, “what each other’s needs are.”
That understanding brought them together in Minneapolis in 2008 as each enjoyed relatively good health.
Lisa, a Wyoming, Iowa, native, who worked with people with developmental disabilities and brain injuries, had spent a year recovering from her liver transplant. And Greg, an operations manager at Northwest Airlines, had beat a five percent survival rate for one year.
Little did they know that, after they married Jan. 28, 2009, Lisa would be furloughed from her job and Greg would become a victim of the Northwest-Delta merger.
“We live every day to the fullest,” Greg says. “When we have the opportunity to go somewhere or visit people, we do it.”
So, with tickets Greg received as part of his severance, they traveled, including a honeymoon in Europe and a visit to Germany where he lived the first 12 years of his life. And they considered the future.
That brought them to Iowa City last June where Lisa can be closer to family while she works as a quality case manager at University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics. And where Greg, now an inspirational speaker, can build his business, “Winning the Fight of Your Life,” (www.survivorandcaregiver.com)
“I’m not doing this to make any money,” says Greg, who recently spoke in Baltimore. “If non-profits want me to talk, I’ll charge them, but the one-on-one I don’t charge for. If I can help, it’s very satisfying.”
And now, with Lisa needing a kidney, not uncommon for a liver recipient, he’ll add another chapter to his story.
“I think,” Lisa says, “it’s going to be a walk in the park compared to …”
” … a liver transplant,” Greg says.
Yet, there are considerations and concerns. Diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as a baby, Lisa also is diabetic. Her mother’s best friend, Cindy Inglis of Hale, donated part of her liver to Lisa. (I wrote about that four years ago.) Although Lisa is on a kidney donor waiting list, she hopes for a similar live organ donation.
A cadaver kidney, Greg says, will last 10 to 15 years. A live donar’s kidney can last twice as long.
“We want to find a living donor,” Greg says. “It would take time to get tested and then we want to put it on hold until Lisa really needs it.”
Lisa, who has about 30 percent of her kidney function, says she has time to find a donor. And, she points out, insurance covers the donor while modern laparoscopic surgery is minimally invasive.
“If there’s one message people should get,” Lisa says, “it’s consider living organ donations. Sign up. Have ‘yes’ marked on your driver’s license.’”
You never know what tomorrow will bring. For you or the one you love.
Comments: (319) 398-8323; dave.rasdal@sourcemedia.net